the oldies

It's recently come to my mother's attention that the yellowing desktop PC in the basement still contains all of our old files; our Microsoft paint creations, our old class projects and papers, and our high scores on Lemmings and Simms. All saved, accurately titled and meticulously archived (that was her doing, of course) and now available for her morbid, late-night amusement.

Last night, while excavating the deep, dark tomb that is the hard drive, she uncovered a real gem. It's my music request list, typed and numbered, and addressed to the DJ who was hired to play my Bat Mitzvah party.

It was to be a joint party had with my childhood bestie, Marli. It would be a coming-of-age extravaganza, not soon to be forgotten by the rest of my pubescent peers. I was going to Israel to become a woman in the eyes of hashem, and everyone else on the LITAL tour bus. But before I left, I would throw the ultimate sock-hop at the all-ages night club in Transcona.

Together, Marli and I composed and printed this letter to the music man:

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To the DJ,

This is Marli and Carli's song list for our party. These are just some of the songs we want to hear at our party. Try to cut down all Backstreet Boys, absolutely no S-Club 7, and hardly any slow songs and try to play all of these songs at least once.

1. CARTOON HEROS – BY “AQUA”
2. CAN I GET A… (EDITED VERSION) – BY “J-Z”
3. BAMBALAYO (IS THAT HOW YOU SPELL IT?) – BY “GYPSY KINGS”
4. MARIA MARIA – BY “SANTANA”
5. BAD TOUCH – BY "BLOODHOUND GANG"
6. MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS – BY “MASE”
7. BABY GOT BACK – BY “SIR-MIXALOT”
8. OOPS I DID IT AGAIN – BY “BRITNEY SPEARS”
9. AMERICAN PIE – BY “MADONNA”
10. WAITING FOR TONIGHT (REMIX) – BY "JENNIFER LOPEZ"
11. WHAT A GIRL WANTS (RADIO REMIX) – BY "CHRISTINA AGUILERA"
12. IF YOUR GETTING DOWN – BY “5IVE”
13. CONGA – BY “GLORIA ESTEPHAN”
14. BYE BYE BYE – BY “N*SYNC”
15. I’M 2 SEXY – BY "RIGHT SAID FRED"
16. THONG SONG – BY “SISQO”
17. THIS IS HOW WE DO IT – BY “MONTEL JORDAN”
18. BILLY JEAN – BY “MICHAEL JACKSON”
19. ABC – BY “JACKSON 5” 20. IN THE NAVY – BY “VILLAGE PEOPLE” (WE HAVE BOUGHT SAILOR HATS AND TOYS TO HAND OUT AT THIS TIME)
21. ARIBA – BY “JOEE”
22. MARIA – BY “RICKI MARTIN”
23. CREEP – BY “TLC”
24. LARGER THAN LIFE – BY “BACKSTREET BOY”
25. YOU’LL BE IN MY HEART – BY “PHIL COLLINS”
26. CRAZY (REMIX) – BY “BRITNEY SPEARS"

** PRIZES – HATS, NO INFLATABLE STUFF, GLOW NECKLACES, SHINY WIGS, MAYBE T-SHIRTS, RUB-ON TATTOOS, RING POP CANDY.

Thank you,

Marli & Carli, Bat Mitzvah Girls

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We didn't know much about run-on sentences or quotation marks, but we did know our music. As you can imagine, the party was a huge success. All of those shiny wigs we bought really won favour with the popular kids, and the Phil Collins song allowed for that girl from public school (you know, the one from your softball team that your mom made you invite to "diversify the guest list" and ensure your continued placement in post-game carpool...) to have her very first kiss.

Personally, I feel that this playlist is a good one. Perhaps I will resurrect it for the summer.
And, of course, the same rule will stand: Absolutely no S-Club 7

time flies:

- when you're having fun
- "when you're old"
- when you're not waiting
- when you're not ready
- at 50 cents a minute
- when you finally let it

and before you know it, they're actually gone.

RE: RE: Safe

"...After we realized its going to cost $2000 to come home early, money that we won't get back, we decided to [get out of Thailand] and fly to Malaysia, not tomorrow but the next day. We're going to chill at the mall there, try on the Miu Miu clogs. Ironically, this is the cheaper option. And, I mean, when faced with the decision to see waterfalls and temples or Topshop and Starbucks, is there really a question as to what we would choose?"

You can take the girl out of North America, but you can't take the girl out of the girl.

boker tov

Ice-cold coffee.
Long, warm morning.



Nice way to kick off a three-day weekend.

extra extra

This morning, global news wires reported that government leaders in Pakistan have officially banned Youtube, calling the video sharing website "sacrilegious".

Upon hearing the news, Youtube issued this response.

RE: Safe

"…We are in Chaing Mai now, and there's a state of emergency here - we haven't really noticed much, but I overheard some people saying today that they canceled some conference that was supposed to be held here because of everything… Anyway, I do like it here in Chaing Mai, it's more 'urban' and there are fewer cheesy Australians... More to come."

So... Fewf.

wish list

Guess what I want for summer?

Hint: it's not the return of my youthful innocents.

DJ Cop-A-Feel

They're calling this video WORST WEDDING DJ EVER. I think this is just the worst wedding ever, period.



Note:

- Pot lights and panelled ceilings. Nothing says romance like a Rec-Room reception at the Route 9 Howard Johnson's.
- Man in baseball hat. No one said it had to be black tie... but really, Jim Bob.
- The angsty seventeen year old sulking on the stage. Relax. They're going to cut the cake.
- What the hell is a "slice of wine"?

cinq-oh-wonderful-brunch

As a rule, or a playful riff on an older blog post (for any of my old readers still loyal enough to follow... hi mom), I truly cannot stand the idea of brunch. Typically, my argument states that "brunch" is pretentious both in name and concept. Something about having to invent an entirely new word to describe the every day act (or every Sunday act) of eating, is a touch obnoxious. Made up words - like Brangelina, sexting and synergy - grind my gears. So why should brunch be any different? Breakfast + Lunch = TOO MUCH FOOD. Pick a meal, and eat it. However, despite the angry way the word rolls off my tongue, I have to say that I tasted a late-morning meal sweet enough to to soften my hate-on for this ridiculous social phenomena.

Yes, brunch, to me, is all together flamboyant. Choice word. So, contrary it might seem to say that the best morning binge to be had in Toronto is at Cinq 01. I've been there three times, and all three times I have spotted someone of Shinan-Govani-certified importance. One time, Paul Shaffer sat at the bar, snacking and chatting with a pal of equally naked noggin, and another time FT's Jeanne Beker relaxed at a quiet table for four, gracefully evading the pointing fingers and peeking eyes of neighbouring diners. The third time I spotted my boyfriend's ex. The most thrilling encounter of all, arguably. (I doubt Shinan would care about that, but we can pretend she's Ainsley Kerr for the sake of the story.)

However, this weekend, upon personal invitation, we ventured to College St. to sample the restaurant's first ever "brunch" selection. Although the menu had more options than there were diners to enjoy them (10 AM is an hour that some brunchers might consider too breakfasty), the server assured us that nothing on the list would disappoint. He had the Eggs Benedict, dripping with some of the richest, creamiest, rub-it-all-over-my-body hollandaise sauce, loosley layered meats piled to perfection, served with home fries, crispy and well seasoned, and served scarcely. I had the Eggs Toufik, named for the the restaurants homme de l'heure, the owner Toufik Sarwa. He's also the mastermind behind Amber in Yorkville. (See: haven to handsome, rich Jewish guys, and the models who will sleep with them, hipster types who haven't fully committed, bankers, babes and bodacious bartenders. A symphony of well dressed people, with an ear for music, and deep pockets for tipping.)

Naturally, with a name like Eggs Toufiq, I assumed that my meal would be saucy, lean, middle-eastern, and would somehow incorporate something leather, binding and faaabulous. However, presented before me was a well-plated, Mexican inspired medley, complete with the softest, freshest tortillas since Cabo, sunny-side-up eggs cooked to gooey, not-too-runny, melt-in-your-mouth perfection, and a citrus splashed guacamole that immediately won my heart. Maybe the best guacamole I've had. Ever. And I've eaten my fair share of guac. Each bite was laced with cilantro, while one or two hearty, slow cooked beans snuck their way into the perfectly palatable mess. My juice was served ice cold, and not at all too sweet, and my americano was just like I love it, strong and black. Next time, if we're on foot rather than in helmets, I'd love to try one of their signature sunrise cocktails.

Next time.... Because there will certainly be one of those. Cinq 01's morning bounty has got this naysayer saying more, more, more.

So, before riding off, satisfied on all accounts, and not at all for the last time, we sent Mr. Eggs Toufiq a text:

"Brunch was great, thanks."

Less than a minute later, his reply:

"Tell your friends."

We'll do him one better. We'll invite them next weekend.