the kids are our future

My kid sister (no relation to Melisa Young of Pro-Nail fame) fancies herself a social radical. Ironically, liking the song 'Pro Nails' is just one of the ways she attests to her rejection of common culture. Owning one American Apparel deep-v in every colour, and duplicate pairs of neon Nike high-tops, my tween-aged darling kin secretly believes herself to be God's gift to new rave.

She does get points, however, for denying the standard camel color Ugg boot, and in place choosing the newer, more palatable black leather variation on a confusing classic. But no matter her objectionable footwear, her all-together concept of 'cool' (right now) is as immature and undeveloped as her pimple-faced gym class cronies, dodging balls and hitting their inhalers like crackpipes. Soon, her tastes, like her bra size, will expand. But until then…

Her English teacher recently announced that their year-end assignment, making up the bulk of her grade, would be the production of a zine; an interesting and refreshing take on the customary 600-word ode to Anne Frank.

Each student was required to pick and submit their zine topic, which needed to be narrow and specific. Some of her friends have chosen Blair Waldorf, while others have selected Golden Retrievers. In her tireless quest to standout, Sonny, that's her name (as if that doesn't stand out enough), pitched perhaps one of the broadest topics in zine culture…ever.

Indie Music. And, it was unquestioningly accepted.

As she reported her news to me over the phone, I cringed at the thought of another pompous, indie-centric publication tangibly existing in my universe – even if it is just an assignment for Jew school. Then, she asked me if she could email me her her top ten list to look over. Of course, I agreed, but as I waited by my laptop I prepared myself for disappointment, while simultaneously practicing my "positive feedback".

It popped up in my inbox, and I opened the attachment. As I read my sister's little list, I felt a wash of pride and relief - and I even laughed a bit. It was so cute, and so clever that I just had to share it.

It may be clichéd, and dated in a 'Klosterman already made these jokes way back when people still read Klosterman' kinda way – but considering the fact that the only reading she's ever done is in Tigerbeat, I'd say this is a pretty nifty start to a pretty nifty zine. Don't you think?

How To Take Your Band and Make it "Indie"
'cause what does 'indie' really mean, anyway?

By: Sonny Rothman

1. Every band needs a name. Pick a word, any obscure word, and put “THE” in front of it.
(Eg: The Strokes, The Hives, The Blow)

2. Wear glasses? No? Buy some anyway, the thicker the frames the better.

3. Have a Facebook account? Delete it. Facebook is so yesterday, get a blog.

4. No matter who asks, your music style has been inspired by a mix of Joy Division meets Jeff Tweedy meets MJ (even though they sound nothing alike, and you have never really cared for them as artists).

5. Take all your Coldplay cd’s, and hide them. (Don't get rid of them though, Chris Martin is such an inspiration.)

6. No matter where you’re born, Winnipeg, Fargo, or PEI, adopt just the slightest British accent when you’re being interviewed. You'll sound more legit.

7. Smoke skinny cigarettes, even if you’re asthmatic. You don't need to inhale, they just help your image.

8. Never smile in pictures. 'Happy' is for Josh Groban.

9. Every time you release a single, send a copy to Steve Aoki and let him fully butcher it. Then, it can be played in American Apparel stores around the world. Cha-ching!

10. Under no circumstance do you EVER admit that you make you music for the fans. You’re an “Indie” artist; you make the music for you, and you only. (And then, charge your non-fans, who you don't care about at all, 4.99 per download on iTunes)